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Malise Love

  • InLove Story, Malise Love, True Stories

    Malise Love Story Part 9: The Proposal

    A week after I told Matt my “secret” about how I was pretty sure I wanted to marry him someday (read that part of the story here), he brought it up while we were saying goodnight on my porch. He said “remember that secret you told me last week? Yeah, me too.”

    Earlier that day, I’d had a heart-to-heart with my friend Heather where she said “I think you know you’re going to marry him, and I think the fact that you haven’t told your dad yet means that you know but you’re scared to say it out loud.” And then I’d called my dad intending to talk about everything but Matt and ended up talking about only Matt and how my dad knew he was the one before I even brought him home.

    So, Matt and I talked about potential times to get married and how that would work and when to get engaged. We planned on getting married in October which quickly turned into to August, and getting engaged in June or July which quickly turned into ASAP. I had been “almost engaged” twice before and although this felt different, I was still a little apprehensive. I knew things were really going to happen the day that Matt canceled his annual, beloved fishing trip to Alaska so we could have that money for our honeymoon. We went ring shopping a few days later and visited the temple together for our date night – which was a really special experience for me and just really confirmed everything I already knew and felt.

    We picked out the ring on April 25th and I tried oh so hard to not spend all my time speculating on when and how he was going to propose, but also, it was pretty much always on my mind. I limited myself to telling two friends a day that I was getting married because I was so excited and couldn’t wait to tell them, but I also wanted a chance to make it official before I told the entire world. One night, Matt and I drove up to our favorite park and he told me that he’d picked up the ring a few days before, had plans to propose, and realized that they had given him the wrong ring! As I cried about how I just wanted to be engaged already, he told me about how they’d put our stone in the wrong model and they’d used the last ring they had in the correct model. There was one more in Washington and they were going to overnight it for him the next week, but it would still take a while before they could set the stone. Which meant we’d get it the following Friday.

    On Mother’s Day, May 10th, 2015 (still a solid 6 days before we were expecting the ring to be finished) we had gone out to his mom’s house for lunch and as we finished eating, he asked me what I wanted to do that afternoon. I suggested a drive through Logan canyon and he said “Do you want to go to Bear Lake?” So we headed off to check both of those items off of our “dating bucket list” we had created a few weeks prior.

    We drove all around the North part of Bear Lake, up into Idaho, and around to the east side. As we drove, I was telling him all about how I was so happy I knew when the ring was coming so I didn’t have to wonder any more. And how I loved surprises, but maybe they’re silly for engagements when you really do know you’re about to be proposed to, so you’re suspicious of everything anyway… (I blabbed about this for the entire drive.)

    Matt played along and kept driving until we found a place to park on the east shore of the lake. We walked down to the water and hugged each other, talked, and just enjoyed the scenery. As we stood there, I thought “It’s really a shame that the ring won’t be here until next weekend, this would be such a perfect time to propose!” I wondered if he’d propose with a fake ring, but decided that wasn’t his style and focused on the conversation again. Then, he turned me around to face Logan Canyon off in the distance and asked me which spot in the mountains was the canyon. I thought “Too bad he doesn’t have the ring, this would be the perfect distraction for him to get it out of his pocket, but there’s no way he has it, so really we’re just talking about the dumb canyon.”

    I turned around to hug him again and he got down on one knee and held out the ring box as I said “Are you serious???” I was shocked. He opened the box and I saw that it was the real ring and I said “Where did you get that!?” He smiled and asked me to marry him. I nodded, said yes before he could even finish his sentence, and started to cry.

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love

    Malise Love Story Part 8: The Murder Scene

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    We continued to spend every day together, Matt came to a wedding reception with me and met some of my best friends as well as my family, and we spent many nights staying up way past my 9:30 bedtime and silently staring into each others eyes or just talking about how much we liked each other. My journal entries around this time are scattered with comments of “everything is so good” along with “sometimes I feel scared – what if this ends?” But ultimately, we just kept talking all day, seeing each other every night, and making more plans for future dates and to-do list items.

    Near the middle of April, I spent the day in Salt Lake at a baby shower, bridal shower, my little brother’s basketball game, and with my cousin Abby as she went to the Temple for her first time. Which meant I got a lot of questions from a lot of family and friends about this guy I kept posting about on Instagram. As I drove back from Salt Lake that afternoon, I thought about how happy I was and everyone’s little hinted questions of “So… will there be a ring?”

    I often like to pray in the car when I’m alone. It’s my favorite place to just share all my thoughts with Heavenly Father and talk to him more openly than I sometimes do in my daily prayers. My conversation this day started with “So, I’m not going to ask you if it’s okay if I marry Matt because I feel like it’s way too soon and we only started dating like five minutes ago. So, I’m just going to tell you how much I like him. Unless it’s not too soon to ask?” and ended with me feeling pretty certain that marrying Matt was exactly what I wanted and that wanting that was a really good thing.

    That night, I introduced Matt to the show Alias. The first episode is pretty intense and includes a scene where the main character finds a man murdered in a bathtub. (Sorry for the icky details, but it adds to the humor of this moment.) Through the whole episode, I kept telling myself that even though I was really excited about how much I liked the idea of marrying Matt – I was not allowed to tell him yet. Then, suddenly right at the moment that Sydney Bristow is screaming at the murder scene, I turned to Matt and asked him if I could tell him a secret. It just burst out of my mouth!

    He agreed and I instantly panicked. “Tell him you have six toes… Anything else, you can’t tell him this!” Since the six toes thing wasn’t true and I couldn’t control myself I said “I’m pretty sure I want to marry you someday.” Followed quickly by “and I’m going to pause this episode for a moment.”

    We talked about how the same thought had crossed his mind and that things just “felt right”, but decided that we didn’t need to make a decision about anything quite yet. He later told me that I freaked him out a little bit by saying that so soon/being the one to say it first. But clearly it wasn’t enough to scare him off. 😉

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love

    Malise Love Story Part 7: So This is Love

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    “I love you too! But, can we make that kind of a ‘special’ thing?”

    Matt looked kind of confused and said “Sure… what does that mean?” I then explained that I thought maybe we should only say it on special occasions and when we were really feeling it and not just as part of our every day conversation – the whole time saying “because I’m panicking that talking about marriage comes next and I’m not ready for that to happen tomorrow, so I’m hoping this will slow things down!” He seemed a little skeptical, but agreed to go along with my plan.

    Within 24 hours, I told Matt that we could say “I love you” all the time and I was (mostly) not worried about how fast we were moving anymore. I wrote in my journal that I felt awkward being so happy. Like I’d never believed it was possible and I almost felt guilty finding something so good. As much as this new, wonderful relationship was bliss, it also took a fair amount of work for me to settle in to the idea of someone actually loving me as much as Matt did (does 🙂 and wanting to spend time with me the way he did.

    A few days later, I met his family and fell completely in love with them and with Matt all over again. One of my favorite memories is remembering those first times I saw Matt with his family and how much I loved that side of him.

    Later that week, we made a to-do list of all the things we wanted to do together. The list included things like: get dole whip, drive through Logan Canyon, see the new Star Wars, visit Bear Lake, and go to Disneyland, Hawaii, and Alaska. As we made the list, we pretended that things like the (then) far-off Star Wars release date and California trips were casual things that didn’t imply that we were planning on things lasting a while and that traveling together and sharing a hotel room would be an appropriate thing in our future. We’ve since discussed that we both thought about having a future together while making the list. The closest thing to admitting those thoughts was when I said “I guess you can’t break up with me for a long time. We’ve got a lot to do!” and he told me he wasn’t planning on ever breaking up with me.

    That same week, while driving to work and listening to a Disney playlist on Spotify, the song “So This is Love” came on and I absentmindedly sang along until the line “So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of.” As those lyrics played, tears came to my eyes and I realized that the way Matt treats me, the love he has for me, and the way I felt about him were all part of the miracle I’d been looking for and what I had been praying for, hoping for, and aching for for years. It was such a peaceful moment of resolution and probably the first time I consciously admitted that I really could see myself actually marrying Matt.

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love, Uncategorized

    Malise Love Story Part 6: Okay, Don’t Freak Out

    The day after Matt kissed me, I left work early to head down to Salt Lake for a Jason Mraz concert. (Side note: If you get the chance, see Jason live. It was much more of an intimate musical experience than just an opportunity to watch him perform. SO good.)

    As my sister and I drove to our parent’s house together after the concert, I told her all about Matt and how great he is. When I got home, I told my dad “I might have a boyfriend and he’s really great and his middle name is your first name, so that’s cool.” Then I told my mom “I think I have a boyfriend.” and mentioned that we had kissed the night before.

    The next day, my aunt was over and our family was all eating lunch together. My mom announced to everyone that I had a boyfriend and that I had kissed him. My dad said “What! You didn’t tell me you kissed him!” I blushed and everyone insisted on passing my phone around to look at his Facebook profile picture. When my Aunt Kristee’s got a look at my phone she said “I don’t think kissing him was unreasonable at all!”

    That night, I drove back to Logan to celebrate “Bowling Ball Day” (more about that here) with Matt and some other friends. My sister didn’t have time to bowl with us, but came by the bowling alley to see Matt and give me her approval. Later that night, when Matt and I were saying goodbye on my doorstep I said “Soooo, I told my parents that you’re my boyfriend. Are you okay with that title?” He pretended to think about it, then assured me that he was definitely okay with that title.

    Nearly 24 hours later, we were sitting on a bench outside the Logan temple and Matt said to me “So, I’m your boyfriend, that makes you my girlfriend, right?” I laughed and said “Yes, I think that’s how that works!” He asked if I was okay with that title and I playfully mocked him by pretending to think about it before telling him that I was.

    We headed back to my apartment and decided to watch the first Narnia movie. Through the whole movie, I kept thinking to myself things like “I think I love him… no, I probably don’t. I’m just excited about a new relationship.” And five minutes later I’d think “But I think I love him! Okay, no. Elise. You just like kissing his face. You don’t love him yet.” And ten minutes later I had decided that maybe I did love him, but I definitely was not allowed to say anything to him yet.

    When the movie finished, Matt hugged me and said “Okay, don’t freak out…” (Which, naturally, caused me to internally freak out a little bit.) “but, I want you to know that I love you.” My brain went a million miles a minute as I thought about how I wasn’t allowed to say anything yet, but I hadn’t planned on him being in love with me and so maybe I could tell him since he had told me? Though it felt like forever, I’m sure it was only a few seconds before I responded and said, “I love you too! But…”

    more love story here

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love, Uncategorized

    Malise Love Story Part 5: Ice Cream & First Kisses

    The morning after I cried myself to sleep wondering if he was still interested, I woke up to a text from Matt that said “Good morning Elise! I hope you have a great day!” and I thought to myself “Okay, things are fine. What was I even worried about?” We texted alllllll day the next couple of days and discussed important matters like our favorite flavors of ice cream and which horse movies we’d seen. I told him that my favorite flavor of ice cream was Tillamook Mudslide and he informed me that Tillamook ice cream was on sale at the grocery store he worked at. Eventually we made plans to watch Seabiscuit and eat ice cream together that Tuesday night.

    I’m not certain how we got to talking about horse movies because, in all reality, horse movies are a much less important topic than ice cream. And, though I didn’t hate Seabiscuit, I really didn’t actually care if I ever saw it again. So on Tuesday night when we got to his apartment and he asked if I had my heart set on Seabiscuit or if I’d rather watch something else, I was quite thrilled to agree on watching Ender’s Game instead.

    And also, it solidified the belief I had that this date was a lot less about Seabiscuit and ice cream and a lot more about seeing each other again. With the lights off. In prime cuddling position. He put the movie in and sat next to me, but, you know, not right next to me. I had played the “take the entire movie to hold hands” game before and I didn’t have any desire to play it again that night. So I scooted close enough that we were touching and rested my head on his shoulder as the movie started. He responded by holding out his hand and saying “So, do you want to?”

    Needless to say, we held hands and cuddled through the rest of the movie. And it was great. When the movie finished, I asked something like “So, did you really invite me over here to watch Seabiscuit or were you in it for the cuddling?” He admitted that he had hoped we’d cuddle and hold hands and asked me if I had been interested just in the movie. To which I said “Oh no, I was definitely hoping for some cuddling too.”

    Later that night, I updated my journal to say that he’d texted me back since my last heart-wrenching entry and that we’d cuddled that night. I mentioned that I had kind of wanted to kiss him but that I also was feeling confused because usually it seemed to take a lot more work than this to get a guy’s attention and so WAS SOMETHING WRONG AND WHY IS THIS SO EASY?

    I ended the journal entry with “IDK, I probably think too much.” Which is a common truth in my life.

    We’d made plans to see each other again on Thursday night. I’d agreed to help out with a local special needs dance and I invited him to come with me. He admitted that he hadn’t been to a dance since high school, but was a really good sport about it and we had a fun time that night. (He was even very patient while I danced with one of the darling special needs guys who called me his girlfriend and asked if I wanted to marry him multiple times that evening.)

    After the dance, we went back to my apartment and watched a couple episodes of Psych or The Office (I don’t remember which?). When the show was over, we sat on my couch and talked for a while. Suddenly, he got really nervous and said “I’m sorry…” I looked at him with, I’m sure, a confused look. He continued, “You don’t have to… no pressure…” and I said “What?” and finally, he said, “Do you want to… kiss?” I smiled, said yes, and waited for him to lean in closer. He didn’t at first and made a comment about being rusty, I reassured him that I was a little out of practice too, got impatient and went 90 and let him go 10. (Watch this if you’re confused.)

    After we kissed, we hugged and said all kinds of cute things about how much we liked each other, etc. etc. and he told me he thought he was going to delete Tinder. I informed him that I had deleted mine the previous night and he said “I haven’t been on since I met you.” (Which, of course, I knew. Because I looked at his profile to see if he’d been on again before I deleted mine.)

    That night’s journal entry ended with “So, that’s the story of when I kissed the cutest, nicest, most wonderful human.”

    more love story here

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love

    Malise Love Story Part 4: No Hug?

    On Saturday morning, I had plans to go to my favorite breakfast/brunch restaurant with my sister and cousins – but I made sure they knew that I had to be back in time for my shooting date with Matt. (Read: at least an hour before my date because obviously I had to perfect my hair and makeup before going up the canyon to shoot.) I remember being really excited for the date and spending an unhealthy amount of time deciding which hoodie I’d look the cutest in.
    Matt picked me up in his red truck (He’d driven his car on our previous date.) which I have to admit I found pretty attractive. I’ve never been all that interested in trucks, but it made him seem “rugged” or something – a side of him I hadn’t experienced through Tinder chats or our first date. We headed to his apartment to meet up with his friends and then we all drove up the canyon to where we were going to shoot.
    As we were shooting, I was feeling fairly uncomfortable and awkward. With my perpetually clogged ear and the earplugs we both had in for shooting, it was a bit difficult to hear each other and that made conversation harder. Add that to the fact that I was a little gun shy (pun totally intended… or does it count as a pun if it’s used in correct context?) about the whole shooting thing because I’d only been a few times and wasn’t super familiar with how to use a gun. And add that to the fact that I could tell that his friends (though very kind and friendly) were observing me and trying to gauge my interest in Matt which made me uncomfortable. So, I had fun, but with all of that going on I was feeling pretty awkward by the end of the date and was definitely less talkative on the drive home.
    One of his friends had mentioned everyone getting together to play games. I had assumed they meant right after we were done shooting. So, when we came out of the canyon and Matt drove me back to my apartment, I figured that meant he was done spending time with me. I felt pretty disappointed because I had been looking forward to playing the games and had hoped that I’d be able to flirt and get to know Matt a little more when we were doing something more in my comfort zone.
    As he walked me up to my doorstep, Matt said “so, we’re going to play games later tonight, do you want to come?” and I felt so silly for being disappointed before. I told him I would love to and waited awkwardly for him to hug me. He didn’t move forward at all and I couldn’t tell if I should make the move or if he didn’t want a hug. Finally, we said goodbye without a hug and I went inside. I sat down on my couch and wondered why he didn’t hug me. I felt like I had been awkward on the date and figured he was probably feeling like I wasn’t interested. I decided to send him a text and said “I definitely want to come to games tonight. What is your address?” He quickly texted back and asked if he could pick me up for the game night. I was impressed that he wanted to pick me up and thought maybe there was hope after all and I hadn’t ruined everything with my awkwardness earlier that day.
    I won’t go into the details of the game night, I don’t even remember which games we played. I do remember being much more comfortable and having a great time. And at the end of the night, Matt drove me home, walked me up to my doorstep again, and this time he hugged me for a little bit longer than your average second (and a half?) date hug. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face that night.
    After a little Facebook stalking, I realized that he had the same last name as one of my new friends in my ward. So, the next day at church I asked her if they were related. She said “Yep, he’s my cousin!” She asked how I knew him, got excited that we’d been on a few dates, and asked me if I liked him. “Yes, I think so?” I said, but I’m pretty sure the look on my face said a lot more about how much I liked him than I was willing to vocally admit at that point. She commented on another guy I had told her I was interested in a while back and mentioned that she wasn’t sure he had been ‘good enough’ for me. “But my cousin,” she said “my cousin, you can date.”
    Something about her “endorsement” made me even more excited about the potential. When I got home from church, I texted him to tell him that I’d figured out that I knew his cousin. He responded and said “Oh! Jennifer? Yeah, she’s great, isn’t she?” I responded quickly to agree and hoped he’d continue the conversation since we hadn’t talked yet that day. But he never responded again that night.
    Here’s what I wrote in my journal before I went to bed:

    “I like this guy named Matt. He’s just a really, really good guy. We’ve been talking for a few weeks, went on a date on Wednesday that went really well, went shooting yesterday, and then played games last night. There’s just something about him that I really like. He’s kind and funny and mature. He always keeps conversation going and is making more plans/promising we;ll talk soon. Today, I really kind of decided that I could see this going somewhere, that I like the idea of dating him. So, now I feel vulnerable and unsure about what he’s thinking and we haven’t really talked today. So, now I feel like it’s back to the same pattern I always seem to go through. I know it’s going to be fine… and maybe something will still happen with Matt.”

    I closed my journal and cried myself to sleep that night. The tears were probably enhanced by hormones (because, admittedly, they often are) but I also was just so sad that I’d started to admit that I could really like him and then he stopped responding – something he had never done before in the month or so that we had been talking.

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  • InLove Story, Malise Love, Uncategorized

    malise love story part three: a tale of two tinder dates

    After letting our Tinder conversation fizzle back in December, I didn’t really think much about Matt for a while. Then, sometime around Valentine’s Day, I saw him in my Tinder feed again. I realized that that meant either he had deleted Tinder and come back, or he’d unmatched us after I let conversation fizzle. “Well, I have to know if he swiped right on me again.” I thought. “It’s a Match!” popped up on my screen and I smiled. I decided to send him a message, I wanted to make sure he remembered who I was, so I mentioned things we had talked about before.

    From that point on, we talked on Tinder pretty consistently. At night, he’d say “I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” and I loved knowing that I’d hear from him again. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and started texting frequently.

    At the end of February, my friend Steph and I took a spontaneous weekend trip to California. During that trip, I was texting two guys from Tinder; Matt and one other. (We’re going to call him Kevin.) One blissful California night as Steph and I were walking around the LA temple, Matt asked me on a date for when I got back the next week. Steph and I talked about how excited I was and how I also hoped that Kevin would ask me on a date too.

    When we got back from California, Kevin called and asked me on a date for that weekend. Which meant I had a date with Matt on Wednesday night and date with Kevin on Friday night. My friend, Dustin, asked me which date I was more excited for and I remember telling him that I liked talking to both guys and thought they were great, but that I was pretty sure Kevin would be the one I was interested in.

    Wednesday night came and Matt showed up on my doorstep right on time. (He knew two of my best friends and they assured me it would be safe to tell him where I lived, so I did. #tindersafety) I’d had a cold that left me with an awful plugged ear and I found out pretty quickly that Matt is a pretty soft speaker. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to hear him for the entire date and got really nervous that it would be awkward.

    We got to Kneaders and ordered our cheesecake and picked a table for two right by the window. He and I talked for three hours with me leaning in the entire time in order to hear him. (Hey-a, Luce! This guy bothering you? …it looks like he’s leaning. Okay, sorry for the distraction. back to the story.) We kept asking each other questions and at some point, I remember thinking “he just keeps talking… I’m pretty sure it’s because he doesn’t want this date to end…” and I thought that was pretty cute. As we walked up to my doorstep, he asked if I wanted to go shooting with him and some friends that Saturday. “Ooh, second date and we haven’t even said good night yet, this is good!” I thought, and told him I would love to.

    We hugged and said good bye. I walked inside and realized that I didn’t know if I wanted to marry him yet. Okay, I understand how silly that sounds, but lets be honest – I was the kind of girl who would ‘decide’ either “yep, I could marry him some day” or “nope, let’s never talk again, please” after one date. But this time I didn’t know. All I knew was that I had had a great time and I wanted to see him again. And I felt like he genuinely wanted to see me again. And that felt good.

    We texted pretty consistently the next couple of days minus the time we were sleeping and the time on Friday night when I went on the date with Kevin. I sent Matt one last response before Kevin picked me up and wondered if Matt would notice if I stopped responding for a while.

    Kevin and I went bowling. He was just as handsome as he looked on Tinder, kind, charming, and a good date. I was definitely enjoying myself, but somewhere around frame 4 or 5 I thought, “This is fun, but I kind of wish I was with that Matt kid…” The thought kind of surprised me, but I put it in the back of my mind and tried to focus on the rest of the date with Kevin. After bowling, we got ice cream and talked. I enjoyed our conversation, but I still had Matt in the back of my mind and I was anxious to text him again.

    After a while, Kevin took me home and walked me to my door. I thanked him and went inside and texted Matt. And then I sent Kevin an after-date text to thank him and let him know I’d had a good time. And then I kept texting Matt. The next day, when my friend Dustin asked me how my date with Kevin had gone, I said “Well, it was good… but I think I actually like Matt more.”

    more love story here

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